Dear Digidiary,
Election Day means coldcuts and Costco chocolate chip cookies here at Freep HQ. I just finished my cheese, tomato and mayonnaise sandwich and I’m waiting patiently for election results. Don’t be jealous. It’s a pretty glamorous life. Pretty soon I might eat a pretzel, or possible some chocolate. I bought a little scrumptious treat at Stone Soup earlier in the day and saving it for when I celebrate the Nader/Gonzalez victory. Only joking.
Here’s a photo of me working the phones like a madwoman.
Today I went to Barnes Elem. school to do some video for our Web site. The one problem with that was the fact that I don’t know how to edit video and our video guy, Little Mark Gould, is up to his eyeballs in streaming video. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to teach myself iMovie, but that didn’t work out so well. It took me two hours just to figure out how to cut the clips and by the time I did that, our photo editor told me not to bother since Little Mark Gould could do it in all his 3.5 minutes of downtime. Fair enough.
The upshot of that is that the video probably won’t make it to the light of day. So instead, I’m going to have to do dramatic interpretations of what I filmed for all of you. That means if you’re interested in seeing the video, you’re going to have to come to the BFP HQ and watch me act out all the scenes. That should be a blast.
On second thought, how’s about I just tell you some of the things I saw today? That sounds way better than forcing you to watch my comedic/dramatic stylings. So first off, Sign Guy Steve was there waving his crazy flag. He had a sign that read “Arrest Obama” and another that read “Stupid Sheep.” Nothing like insulting people at the polls to change their minds. The po-po had him move away from the polling place, but he still hung out antagonizing voters as they went to vote for Jesus Christ II, aka Obama.
As people came out of the polls, I grabbed them to get some exit interviews. Most folks were pretty obliging. One woman declined, saying “No offense.” Well, lady, I got a thing or two to say to you. I’m so hacking offended by the fact that you didn’t speak to me, I’m about to spit nails. You were the clincher. And you ruined everything. Gee-Dee you!
One woman was only too happy to talk to me about her thoughts on Obama. I grabbed her before she voted and you’d think we had been friends for years based on how she went on and on. She kept talking about how hot he was and she was so excited to have a hot guy in the White House. But then she also told me she was having lesbian dreams about Sarah Palin. Which is creepy. When she came out of the polls, she said she felt post-coital. She was breathless and flushed and said she needed a cigarette. Wow! Who knew voting could be so, um, moving?
I nabbed another interview with a lovely young woman headed out of the polls who was dressed to the nines and proudly displaying her “I Voted” sticker, which sort of clashed with her fancy jacket. Anyway, I asked her why she voted for Obama and she told me about change and blah, blah, blah. I’m not sure what she was on about, but I felt that after she was finished talking, ol’ Barry’s voice should have come from on saying “I’m Barack Obama and I approve this message.” Then I asked her if she really voted for Obama because he was a better dresser. Fancy lady told me she was very offended that I asked her that. “Just because I’m a young voter doesn’t mean I’m swayed by materialistic things.” Right on sister. You can tell yourself it was all about change and hope and whatever other platitudes came down the pike, but really you know it was because Obama looks better in a suit.
There were tons of kids who went into the polls with their parents. One little boy made me wet my pants he was so flipping funny. He was in sixth grade and told me that he was having nightmares that McCain had turned him into a robot. He also told me that he didn’t want McCain to win because he would die three days after he was inaugurated and then Palin would be president. He said once Palin slid into the number one spot, she’d bring the apocalypse, which she would mispronounce as the “capopalypse.” I was dying. Then his mom said she cried when she heard Obama speak and that was the end of our fun time.
After I was finished videoing, I went into the polling place and bought some yummy num-nums from the Barnes PTO. Then I stuffed my face, exercising my constitutional right to get fat while my contemporaries exercised their constitutional rights to vote.
Anyway, that’s all I got. Maybe you’ll get to see the video if Little Mark Gould finds a skoch of time to do it. Now I’m off to await more election results. And take pictures of myself at my desk doing shakeface with my colleague, Joel, AKA Joelle. I love my job.
Shakeface!!!!
