Monthly Archives: February 2009
Lyman Orton, I Salute You
Dear best friends forever, I know I’m a bit of a johnny-come-lately to this whole Vermont Country Store sells dildos drama, but I was on furlough which means that I was contractually obligated not to do any work for a … Continue reading
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Furlough A-Go-Go
Dear human beings who are my friends, I’m sorry to have scared you. I know I should have told you where I was. It’s not safe to go away without letting someone know of your whereabouts. Well, all two of … Continue reading
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The World’s Second Worst Dog Owner
Dear jagoff who left his dog in the car while he went skiing at Smuggs on Sunday, First, let me say that you are a jerk and I rue the day you were born. Secondly, I wish that something wretched … Continue reading
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Of Powder and Pantloads
Dear Digidiary, I’m sorry it’s taken me more than a week to tell you about my recent trip to Sugarbush. It took that long for my underwear to dry out. Last week during our littler dumperoo of snow, I was … Continue reading
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The Dulcet Tones of Snow Removal
Dear Digidiary, My goodness, gracious it’s a frackin’ awesome day to be alive. Specifically in my neck of the wilderness. You see, today is the day when Burlington Department of Public Works gets off its fat duff and cleans my … Continue reading
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Jesus Crust and Other Historical Figures
Dear best friend(s), I owe you a thousand apologies. I’ve only got a couple hundred to offer, so you’ll have to hold out for the rest. I’m sorry a million times over for not writing since the ascension of Barack … Continue reading
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