Dear Barack Obama, Can I call you Barry? I mean, if we’re going to chat like best friends forever about my current state of well-being, we might as well be informal about it. Anyway, I heard you were a huge fan of my blog. Thanks. That’s sweet. I love you back. Since you’re down with [...]
Entries from February 2009
February 24, 2009
Lyman Orton, I Salute You
Dear best friends forever, I know I’m a bit of a johnny-come-lately to this whole Vermont Country Store sells dildos drama, but I was on furlough which means that I was contractually obligated not to do any work for a week. For me, this meant not paying attention to the news, or really anything for [...]
February 23, 2009
Furlough A-Go-Go
Dear human beings who are my friends, I’m sorry to have scared you. I know I should have told you where I was. It’s not safe to go away without letting someone know of your whereabouts. Well, all two of you reading this can breath a sigh of relief this glorious Monday because I have [...]
February 13, 2009
The World’s Second Worst Dog Owner
Dear jagoff who left his dog in the car while he went skiing at Smuggs on Sunday, First, let me say that you are a jerk and I rue the day you were born. Secondly, I wish that something wretched befall you, like rickets or anal fissures. I would say I wish unemployment and foreclosure [...]
February 6, 2009
Of Powder and Pantloads
Dear Digidiary, I’m sorry it’s taken me more than a week to tell you about my recent trip to Sugarbush. It took that long for my underwear to dry out. Last week during our littler dumperoo of snow, I was invited to Sugarbush to check out their newest attraction, the 12-passenger Pisten Bully snowcat. JJ [...]
February 6, 2009
The Dulcet Tones of Snow Removal
Dear Digidiary, My goodness, gracious it’s a frackin’ awesome day to be alive. Specifically in my neck of the wilderness. You see, today is the day when Burlington Department of Public Works gets off its fat duff and cleans my street. Last night I was alerted to this supremely awesome turn of events by little [...]
February 2, 2009
Jesus Crust and Other Historical Figures
Dear best friend(s), I owe you a thousand apologies. I’ve only got a couple hundred to offer, so you’ll have to hold out for the rest. I’m sorry a million times over for not writing since the ascension of Barack Hussein Obama to the U.S. throne of destiny. Once he was elected, I momentarily lost [...]
