Dear besties,
Today I went to the Vermont Legislative hearings on marriage for same-sex couples. That’s the politically correct way of saying homo hitching. Anyway, for my day job, I tried live-blogging the proceedings. Below are the results. As you can see, I was not very successful at pulling anything together that was remotely meaningful, poignant or informative. This surely comes as no surprise to the three of you who follow my work.
Anyway, without further nattering on my part, I give you Legie Liveblogging:
Part 1-
Ok, it’s 6:15pm and the legislative hearing on same-sex marriage (S-115) is just getting under way. It’s hotter than the fifth circle of hell here. Honestly, there are about 800 bazillion people in this legie chamber. The sweat is dribbling down my face.
Rep. Dick Sears just told folks they had to limit their remarks to two minutes. People were not happy about that. Trust me, the gays like to talk, so that’s not really gonna work for them.
It’s pretty amazing how many people are here. The chamber is full, as is the spill-over room. Folks wearing the yellow buttons are pro gay marriage. People wearing white stickers are against it. It’s a pretty good system. It’s nice to know who your people are, if in fact you have people.
They’re going through the rules at the moment. I think the most important rule is just don’t take your top off and don’t punch anyone in the face.
OK, Bishop Matano is going now, so I’m going to tune in.
Part 2-
Bishop Matano is whipping through his speech right now. It’s hard to even figure out what he’s saying. It’s like he’s reading with no punctuation. Basically, he wants people to avoid hostility. He wins the prize for world’s fastest speaker.
Roberto from Rutland is speaking now. He’s a gay teacher. He was married in Canada. He’s bringing up points of commerce- gay marriage could bring money into the state. True. He’s getting some laughs talking about how his marriage isn’t affecting other people’s marriage and that he’s not responsible for the failure of other people’s marriage.
The next guy, Mr. Gusso from Greensboro, has a wicked beard. He’s reading the bible right now. That’s not really a testimony. He’s saying two men don’t have a natural right to bring up life. Apparently that’s what marriage is. He said gay marriage will be a slight against god.
Boy, they are whipping right through these. It’s sort of hard to keep up.
Part 3-
Submit to god or submit to secular humanists. Apparently those are the only choices the legislature can make, according to one of the speakers. I didn’t get this speaker’s name, but he called for a referendum. I’m not sure what the point of a referendum is. I thought the point of a representative democracy was that you elected a representative to represent you. But what do I know about civics? Nothing.
Rosemary Pelletier is speaking right now about how she has to come before the legislature and ask for rights. What other married couple has to do that, she asked. That’s a good point. I’ve never thought of that.
This character up now- a pastor from Fairfax or Fair Haven- is saying that gay marriage is a social experiment. He’s a giving a biblical lesson right now. It’s pretty interesting, since I’ve never read the bible before.
Irene and Ralph Shawmus are up now. They’re high school kids. They’re talking about how they have two moms. If our country is built on separation of church and state how can the bible influence our rules, she asked. Good question. Her civics teacher would be proud. That would be pretty nerve-wracking to get up there and speak before all these folks.
Part 4-
Gerry Pratt from Rutland- speaking for the first time about being raped as a child. That’s a pretty big deal. Now he’s saying that homosexuals will prey on children once they break up with their partners. Crowd not at all happy about that. Asks the leg. what kind of destructive door they’re opening. I feel for him, but that’s a pretty big jump to say that gay people will prey on children. Like a Superman leap.
Now a 12-y.o. from Thetford Center is speaking. She’s saying we should be past this. She’s got two moms She’s a mad good speaker. Could I have been that good when I was twelve? Probably not. She’s telling the leg. they need to get back to the promise land. Nice. I want to be her friend. “It’s time to ask, it’s time to understand, it’s time to honor families like mine.” Wow. That’s some bravery.
FYI- These seats are mad uncomfortable. My back is on fire.
Alexis Jetter- she’s Evan’s mom (that 12 y.o.’s mom)- is talking now. She testified 9 years ago during the civil union debates. She’s been with her partner for 24 years. She calls her family a “brave new family.”
Eleanor Campbell of Waitsfield is talking about gay money flowing into the state trying to destroy hetero marriage. She’s worried about the semantics of words like marriage, bride, husband, etc. She says gay marriage would cost state government money because of the number of divorces that go on.
Part 5-
Matthew Lighthouse of Jericho is talking about the fact that denying him and his partner marriage will not prevent him from having a family. He asked the leg. to think of the children- allow children to have the safety and security of a loving family with married parents.
I’ve been waiting for someone to bring up the homosexual agenda. It’s taken 50 minutes. Now a woman from Colchester is going off on the homosexual agenda. And she’s a mad fast talker. And she’s got a cast on her arm. She’s giving the leggie a spelling/English lesson on right vs. rite. She just got cut off. Yikes.
Anna Gagne, St. Albans Town, is talking about the order of the universe. I’d like some order in here. Like an order of fries. I’m super hungry. Anyway, Gagne isn’t for gay marriage. She said the sky fell in the sexual revolution in the 60s. She said the sky has fallen for kids of divorced parents. Now my parents are divorved and life got way better when that happened. Now they’re besties, which is cool. Ok, enough about me.
Laura Davidson is now rockin the mic. She’s reading her ward Jevon Miller’s statement. Miller is a h.s. senior from Braintree and she’s got awesome afro puffs. Too bad she couldn’t read her statement herself.
Rev. Gabriel Gagne is saying a lot has changed in that last few months. Like his 401k is now a 101k. That’s pretty hilarious.
Part 6-
This woman from St. Alban’s City just got really radgy about her testimony. She said gay people do have the right to get married. They just choose not to marry the right people.If they didn’t have sex with people of the same gender, they could get married. Right on.
Dwight Shmuck is my favorite person ever. He just asked to read from his book, “Shmucks Like Us.” He said allowing gays to marry wouldn’t be redefining the word marriage. He said marriage is “the cojoining or the union of two souls, not two sexes. Just souls. If love is there, that’s all you need. ” The woman who went after him didn’t know how to follow. But she brought down the house with her suggestion that gay marriage will give way to depravity, child molestation, polygamy, bestiality, etc. That’s logical.
You know what’s funny? Seeing adults sit on the floor. That might be more comfortable than this bench I’m on. This bench is biblical.
You know what’s not funny. The smell in this chamber right now. Folks are literally dripping sweat.
Johnson Tata from Montpelier is speaking now. He’s got a great last name. He’s a missionary. He’s talking about god being the author of marriage. I thought god was the author of the bible. I’m so confused.
Rev. Linda Maloney is on the mic now. She’s into the gay marriage bill. She’s got a hot royal purple jacket on. I’m pretty sure I want a jacket like that. She wants to be able to celebrate the marriages of all she’s called to serve, she says.
Part 7-
Sandi Cote- Whiteacre is talking about being with her partner Bobbi for 42 years. What the eff? That’s amazing! They’re grandmothers. She’s telling the legie how her partner took care of her during a bout of breast cancer. Pretty moving. “Please tell us how our loving is not worthy for the qualification of marriage?”
Why is there no one else against the marriage bill but clergy and people citing the bible? I’d be interested to hear more arguments against the marriage bill.
You’re not a second-class citizen, you’ve just made a different choice- That’s what the dude talking now just said. He’s a pastor from some place.
Oh no, I’m running out of batteries. Ok, saved by my new friends in the media row. None of them are actually media though. They’re opportunistic spectators.
Ok, I’m all set. That just made me sweat a little more. Holy god.
Steven Fisk is hittin the mic now. He’s a teacher at Essex HS. He went to a one-room schoolhouse. I love that. I can’t even imagine that. He’s citing Brown v. Board of Ed. It’s the first time anyone has referenced that all night. That’s because he’s a teacher and he’s smart. He’s talking about his gay daughter now who is getting married in Mass. but whose marriage won’t be legal in VT. That stinks. He will only be a father-in-law in Mass, not VT.
Part 8-
Microphone check one two what is this, the five-foot assassin with the roughneck business. Sorry, just a little Tribe Called Quest for you. We’re having microphone problems. Apparently the folks in the two overflow rooms can’t hear what’s going on. There’s no video feed, so they’ve got nothing. That stinks since so many people came for the event.
Lindsay Weaver is talking about homosexual penguins. Love it! She started talking about gay parakeets and the legie members who were starting to doze off fell asleep. Animals, you say? Well, I’ll listen to that. I like Lindsay Weaver. She took a different tack. That’s pretty clever.
Now Anne Gough from Shelburne is talking about marriage being undermined. That’s not original. I want more gay animal testimony. NOW! Anne thinks marriage is being trivialized by gay people. Legies are dosing again.
The natives are getting restless. Babies are whimpering, people are coughing, Some folks have passed out from the heat. No, just kidding. But thank goodness for paper fans.
I like that the pros and the antis have to sit next to each other in the chamber here. I wonder if they’re secretly seething. Maybe they’re secretly holding hands under the table.
Tom Wilson of Topsham, is talking about Ishtar. The movie? With Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman? Apparently that movie promoted success for children. Or something.
Part 9 (the end, thanks god)-
We’ve heard from about 50 VTers. Apparently that’s not enough for this one dude who just shouted out. We’re on for another 20 testimonials. That’s a lot of folks. I’m not sure I can watch all of it. I’m bonking. I need some Clif Shot Blocks.
This dude from Quechee is reminding the legie about his his partner Steve would knit in the front row during the last civil union debates. Now he just talked about how his father remarried at 75 y.o., despite the fact that they weren’t going to procreate. Since procreation is often used as the reason gay people shouldn’t be able to get married (marriage equals procreation, or something), that’s why he brought that up. “There is so much power in marriage. There is such an incredible force that comes only from that institution.”
Now the next guy is talking about how you should get married and propagate. Gay people are role-playing he says. Gay men should get married to a woman if they wants to be married. It’s that easy.
I think I might be spent. This laptop is so hot, it’s burning a hole in my jeans. I didn’t get one of those handy little media tables because I got here late. Go figure. My back is screaming Anyway, this might be the end for me. Good to end on an odd number.
Peace out home dogs. I’m off to get married, since it seems so awesome!
“This bench is biblical.”
SNORK!
What a lovely dispatch.
LO – you’re fantabulous. Since I couldn’t be there, I appreciate you painting the picture. I can feel that laptop burning. Oh, and the Dwight Schmuck thing, saw him on the video and that line is perfect. He rocks my socks.