Because I am a complete navel gazer, I want to know everything there is to know about me. Particularly, I want to know everything there is to know about me on the WWW. Which is why I have a Google Alert set up with my name. Yep, that’s right. I don’t even have to manually [...]
Entries Tagged as ‘Uncategorized’
June 7, 2010
Lighters Up: The Lil Kim Experience
Dear besties, Here’s one important thing you need to know about hip-hop queen Lil’ Kim: she loves Vermont. Like, a lot. She told us so about 350 times at Wednesday night’s show at Higher Ground. But she doesn’t love us in the same way that your grandma loves you. She doesn’t want to bake you [...]
May 11, 2010
Rachael Ray Wants to Join My Motorcycle Gang
Dear Rach (cuz we’re tight like that), Thank you so much for having me (and 35 other people) to dinner on Friday night. I very much enjoyed your company, and your fetching brown top. I wanted to follow up on a couple of things and figured this letter would be the best way to go [...]
April 26, 2010
Fat-grabbing with Kaki King
Dear besties, Last week, it was my birthday. Perhaps you were aware of that, since it’s the most important day on our modern Gregorian calendar, Anyway, for my birthday, guitar virtuoso Kaki King decided to come to Burlington and play a show for me, along with some other people I didn’t invite (like that drunk [...]
April 26, 2010
Miss Congeniality Was Congenial, Just Not in Vermont
Dear besties, From the Department of Big-Ass Mea Culpas: Well, friends, it turns out that America’s favorite scrappy-do movie star was NOT actually in Vermont over Easter. Contrary to what I wrote a little more than a week ago and what a number of online gossip sites “reported” around that time, Sandra Bullock did not [...]
April 15, 2010
Sandra Bullock Dries Her Tears… In Vermont
Dear besties, A few days after Sandra Bullock took home the Oscar for best gal-next-door actress, it was revealed that her motorcyclist husband Jesse James was slumming it with a woman who has multiple facial tattoos and a fascination with White Power. Classy. Naturally, our pal Sandy went into hiding after the philandering was revealed. [...]
April 14, 2010
“Project Runway” Wants Vermonters!
The other day Tim Gunn, the kindly mentor on Lifetime’s “Project Runway” and all-around dashing fellow, gave me a call. He was all like “Hi, Lauren. This is Tim Gunn. Can you get some Vermonters to audition for “Project Runway”? We’re tired of these slick city kids and their geometric, bedazzled pap. Thanks.” Then he [...]
March 23, 2010
Shredding Church Street With Hannah Teter
Dear besties, Ben & Jerry’s Free Cone Day (also known as Americans Getting Fatter Day) is upon us. Generally, I try to stay as far away from the Free Cone Day as I possibly can. For one thing, I hate waiting in line. Especially not for a $2.50 ice cream cone that’s only going to [...]
March 23, 2010
‘Tweens and 1080s — The U.S. Open Snowboarding Championships
You know what sucks more than riding a chair lift by yourself? Riding a chair lift with four foul-mouthed, flatulent ‘tweens who want nothing more than for you to take your pathetic ass and hurl it to the snowy depth below. But this is my life. Or at least my life for the next two [...]
February 17, 2010
Montreal Haircuts and Misunderstandings
Dear bestie(s), [Insert apology for not keeping blog up to date here] So much has been going on in my life since last we spoke. Or rather, since last you read. Where to begin? Well, for starters, I gave birth to twins shortly after winning the Olympic gold medal in biathlon. Just before that, I [...]
