Here’s one important thing you need to know about hip-hop queen Lil’ Kim: she loves Vermont. Like, a lot. She told us so about 350 times at Wednesday night’s show at Higher Ground.
But she doesn’t love us in the same way that your grandma loves you. She doesn’t want to bake you cookies or tousle your hair. No, she loves us in that freak-nasty, look-where-I-can-put-my-leg kind of way. Basically, she wants to fuck our brains out. Which kind of makes up for the fact that her show, all 60 minutes of it, was really a lackluster parade of old beats and late ’90s hip-hop standards.
I hate saying that about Lil’ Kim. I mean, she’s the Queen Bee, the Original Bitch, the Black Barbie. And she’s a felon. She’s done hard time. But maybe she lost a little something during her year spent in the Philadelphia Federal Detention Center. For a woman who plied her trade in extreme raunch (read the lyrics to “Suck My Dick“), her vanilla show left a little to be desired.
Of all the shows I have ever attended at Higher Ground, this is the first where I have been greeted at the door by a pat-down. I kind of liked it. It made me feel like the show I was about to see had some element of danger. Like there was going to be some sort of Hot 97-esque shootout. You know, with all our rival hip-hop crews here in Vermont.
I imagine Jay Craven is breathing a very heavy sigh of relief today. Last night, the first show of the Queen City Concert Series — Philadelphia’s proud hip-hop purveyors The Roots — went off with nary a hitch. The weather cooperated, the talent put on a great show, and most concert-goers managed to keep it together. No one teetered into the lake and no major brawls erupted. And thank golly for that. I didn’t want to have to use my fearsome karate moves on any jerks who got out of line, and I sure as heck didn’t want to go diving into the lake to pull out some hapless drunk.
But seriously, the whole event was pretty seamless. The venue, with the stage facing the lake, allowed people to celebrate Champlain (the lake, not the dude) in their own way — by dancing badly lakeside while belting out hip-hop lyrics. Well, at least that’s what I was doing.
Dear bestest buds,
Lots has happened since I last wrote. It was my birthday and my friends had a party and played pin the firecrotch on Lauren. More on that in another post. And because they’re mad crafty, they also made T-shirts in my honor. Also more on that in another post. And I got some prezzies. And I kicked ass at yoga. And I went foraging for ramps with a 10-year-old. And my head popped off. I also went to see Talib Kweli at Higher Ground. That was my birthday prezzie to myself.
This is Talib and me after the show.